An Open Letter to My Childhood Dog

Tinkerbell,

My sweet sweet girl. I miss you so much. It’s been one day, but it feels like 100 years. The pain that I’m feeling is excruciating. I’ve never cried the way I have in these past 24 hours. Sometimes I feel silly for feeling the way I do, but then I think of all the life experiences you’ve helped me through, and I know that every way that I’m feeling is completely valid.

Our paths crossed when I was only 10. I was in the fifth grade, and you were a ball of energy, bouncing off of walls. You’ve always been a feisty one. You always wanted to be the boss, and no matter how big a dog was, you were never scared to show that you were the alpha. However, I know that you still had a tender heart. The first night our paths crossed you were laying by your Pitbull friend in my front yard, comforting him, and licking his wound. He had been shot. The second time our paths crossed you were howling in the middle of the night in the middle of winter because you were cold. I tricked you into a kennel by placing food in the back of it, and you fell for it. For the next few days you would stay inside to stay warm, and during the day you’d run free. You were always a wild one. Eventually your “real” owners got into some real big trouble, and that was my chance. You became a part of our family.

Tinkie, you had a family that loved you so much! You’ve been there for me through so many different moments in my life. Some big, some small, but you were always by my side. You watched me promote from the 8th grade, you watched me graduate high school, you even watched me graduate from college! You saw me get married, and you even moved from California. I brought you all the way to Utah, because I couldn’t bare being away from you any longer. My husband loved you. You guys both bonded in the most beautiful way. Your guys’ walks were so special. We moved to Arizona, and you were there with us every step of the way.

Tinkerbell, I wish I had more time with you. But as I reflect on your life, you lived such a long and beautiful life. I rescued you, but you saved me. You’ve been in my life for more than half of it. I don’t remember what life was like without you. I really don’t. You were more than just a dog. You were my best friend.

On April 11, I had to make the hardest, worst decision of my entire life. I had to say goodbye. I had to say goodbye to future memories. Tinkie, you hadn’t been yourself for a few days, and you weren’t getting better with medicine. You were getting worse. There was nothing else that I could do. I would have done anything. I couldn’t be selfish. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t keep you alive because I didn’t want to see you go. I haven’t stopped crying since I left you at the vet. I’ve had your blanket with me, and I love being able to smell your scent, and feel like you’re still close to me.

Lola misses you. We got home, and she couldn’t stop smelling around for you. I’ll let her know that you’ll secretly miss her. I’ll miss catching you two in your moments of love, and I’ll miss watching you two bicker. Taking you both on walks was my favorite parts of my day. You were my favorite part of my day. It’s no secret that I’ll miss you Tinkie. I miss you so much that it physically hurts.

Tikita, the idea of life without you breaks my heart even more. It doesn’t seem right or fair. We’ve been through everything together. You were a young soul, stuck in an old body. My little old lady. I love you more than I can put into words and I’ll miss you every single day. I truly can’t believe you that you’re gone. We bought a house, and I so wish that you finally would have had your own backyard after so long. I want you back. I want you back in my arms. I want to force you into cuddles, sneak you a piece of dinner, and most importantly, I want to hear your excited cries every time I’d walk through the front door.

Time is such a precious thing. I’m thankful that we had 15 years together. Years that I will forever cherish. I wish we had more, but I’m so happy we got what we did. You were the best dog a girl could have. I’ll miss kissing your nose, smelling your paws, and even your breath.

I miss you so so much Tinkerbell. Until we see each other again sweet girl, revel in the time you have with your friends that you haven’t seen in so long. You’re no longer in pain! You’re young, and you have a body that can keep up with your sweet, energetic personality. Please say hi to Boogie and Coco for me. Give them a big kiss for me, and most importantly, be a good girl!

I love you Tinkerbell, Stinkie Tinkie, Tinkie, Tikita, Piciosa Hermosa. I’ll miss you forever.

See you soon,
Your human.

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